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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28289895">wishes to the wind.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmainders/pseuds/charmainders'>charmainders</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Boys In Love, Childhood, Comfort, Dandelions, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Romance, Wishes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:55:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,525</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28289895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmainders/pseuds/charmainders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i>“Silly boy, I think she’s watching us now.” His mother laughs, gentle puffs of white escaping her lips from the cold. “You know, when you asked me about the dandelions, it reminded me of that bedtime story I told you?”</i>
  </p>
  <p>    <i>“The one about it carrying hopes and dreams to the people you love most?”</i></p>
  <p>    <i>“Yeah, that one.” Koushi’s mother nods, moving her hands to take Koushi’s own tiny ones. He wraps his small palms around her index finger. “Why don’t we find two dandelions, and we can blow one each, and wish for something? You don’t have to tell me what you wish for, but it’ll be our little ritual.”</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>The promise of the unknown infinite and forever, tied to a dandelion that carries the heaviest of wishes, blown into the wind.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wishes to the wind.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <i>translations of words:</i>
  <br/>
  <i>☘ obaachan: grandmother</i>
  <br/>
  <i>☘ sofu: grandfather</i>
</p>
<p>☘ there is a <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5e922irDubvEnIb0YjWjyf?si=HRfs0xk-RzywKl3lLAMNrA">playlist</a> for this fic! please do listen to the playlist while you read!</p>
<p>☘ the main song of inspiration for this fic is <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/2eAvDnpXP5W0cVtiI0PUxV?si=jkIfWrwWTR2vJXWC0d4w7w">dandelions by ruth b.</a></p>
<p>☘ the lullaby is called <a href="https://www.mamalisa.com/?p=833&amp;t=es&amp;c=85">sakura sakura,</a> a Japanese children's song.</p>
<p>☘ trigger warning: mention of death of close family member (minor).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kou?” He hears a voice coming from behind. There’s something very delicate in the voice, and Koushi knows it’s his mother. He turns around and looks at her, a small pout forming on his lips. “Do you wanna talk to obaachan?”</p>
<p>Giving it a thought, he gets to his feet, brushes off the stray strands of grass. “Do you think obaachan would like dandelions?” He relaxes his right palm, opening it to show the few stalks of wildflowers, earning a gentle nod from his mother.</p>
<p>“I think she would love anything you pick up, Kou.” She offers her hand for Koushi to take. In the early winter, the gentle snowfall resembles that of cotton that his grandmother would use to stuff pillows; so soft that it felt like he could fall right through it if he laid down long enough on it. She made them every winter; soft like a cloud, and sold them to the neighbours in the countryside where she lived alone. Koushi’s family would drive up every winter to visit for christmas and the new year since she lived alone, but following recent events, there won’t be a point anymore.</p>
<p>At her gravestone, there’s a small slot for flowers. With care, he drops the stalks of dandelions among the carnations and bows in respect. It still felt odd, not having his grandmother around - every holiday season and spring break was filled with the joy of being able to spend every waking second with her. Playtime, mealtime, visits to the neighbours’, eating every single snack from the food carts that littered the street. Memories he held close to his tiny, child heart.</p>
<p>Koushi stares at the gravestone, hands laced in each other in front of him. “Where did obaachan go?” He turns to look at his parents, eyes on them. Young, curious Koushi, a sweet and tender seven, who still did not understand the concept of death and old age, <i>bless his soul.</i> His parents shared a knowing look before his mother crouched down. </p>
<p>“Remember I told you obaachan was sick?'' She smooths out the gentle crystals of pure white snow in Koushi’s hair. Koushi nods attentively, lips forming a pout. Of course, he remembers it too well. He’d cried about it before, had nightmares about it. “Obaachan’s in a better place now, where she won’t be sick anymore.”</p>
<p>Koushi gave it a moment to settle in, thinking. He still didn’t quite understand it. “Will she still be here to watch over me?”</p>
<p>“Silly boy, I think she’s watching us now.” His mother laughs, gentle puffs of white escaping her lips from the cold. “You know, when you asked me about the dandelions, it reminded me of that bedtime story I told you?”</p>
<p>“The one about it carrying hopes and dreams to the people you love most?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that one.” Koushi’s mother nods, moving her hands to take Koushi’s own tiny ones. He wraps his small palms around her index finger. “Why don’t we find two dandelions, and we can blow one each, and wish for something? You don’t have to tell me what you wish for, but it’ll be our little ritual.”</p>
<p>This piques Koushi’s interest. “What’s a ritual, mommy?”</p>
<p>“Like a habit.” She responds quickly, already moving to find dandelions. Koushi follows quickly, moving to find two. When he does, he plucks it and holds it firmly. “Wish for something, and keep it in your heart, alright?” </p>
<p>Koushi looks at the dandelion - small, fluffy, white. Tender, seven-year-old Koushi hardly understood what death meant, and maybe he won’t ever. It’s a raw, new concept he’s never dealt with. But perhaps it didn’t have to be hard. Gradual with time, he’ll understand. </p>
<p>He keeps the promise he makes close to his heart as he blows softly on the dandelion, following the path the seeds take as it flies across the bright blue sky above. Soon they disappear, dancing among the million other things in the atmosphere, like dancers that dance around each other, footwork so delicate that they twirl and never make a mistake, and stay in the wind forever, never touching the ground.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>He spends a lot of time in the garden in his home when he’s in middle school. Often it’s to escape from the stress of homework, other times it’s to get some much-needed air without having to leave the house, which also means putting on proper pants, which he’s too lazy for. The patio at the back of his house leads to a small backyard garden, where he often sits on the steps and lets the sunlight fall on his skin to soak up the rays.<p>Dandelions are abloom as soon as the weather turns slightly warmer. The grass grows taller and reaches his ankles; the wildflowers stand tall and bright under the sun. Now fourteen, Koushi still thinks a lot about loss. Loss comes in a multitude of ways - losing loved ones, losing the people you trust, losing things that matter most and losing your way through the darkness. It all aches, tears, hurts. The ache never goes away. </p>
<p>Koushi lifts his head from his knees and reaches a hand out, plucking a dandelion from its stalk. White, fluffy, defined stems. He closes his eyes for a second, hearing nothing but the slow thump of his heart and his soft breaths. <i>A wish,</i> his mother would say before blowing a dandelion. What could he wish for that he <i>doesn’t</i> already have?</p>
<p>He thinks and thinks, an endless valley of thoughts like a body of water that fills the amazon, bringing life to many other thoughts like how water supports every life form even if on a miniscule level. Even as the spring sun begins to paint purple and pink over Miyagi’s blue skies, he thinks about what to wish for. He has everything he could ever ask for.</p>
<p>Well...except for <i>one</i> thing, the back of his mind rings, alerting him that there has been a thought deep in his mind for a while, now. He’s always had friends, but never for long. Koshi may be an extrovert by everyone’s standards, but it was a completely different thing when it came to friends. He always felt like it was hard to understand them for some reason, unable to relate to their issues the same way he did for his own. And thus many of his friendships never seem to last.</p>
<p>Koushi raises the dandelion in his hand, sure of what he’s wishing for, and with one swift breath, all of the seeds are blown off into the setting sun, dancing far into the horizon; the sky painted by the hands of a careful god using the finest of colours. The sun is still bright like the hope in his heart, laid carefully amongst the many wishes he’s made with dandelions. It’s silly - maybe it’s just the memory, but for the longest time he can remember, he has let dandelions carry his worry and wishes away to some land beyond as if wishes really did come true with just a silly wildflower. </p>
<p>But maybe, just maybe, Koushi never really grew up beyond the stories of dandelions and wishes come true. Maybe the innocence inside him, even as he grows up, wants to believe that a silly little ritual like blowing the seeds off a dandelion could grant him some great wish like going to the best university. As he watches the last of the seeds disappear, he thinks about what it’ll be like to be a dandelion seed, with the heavy responsibility of carrying a dream of a young child to some deity above and seeking its approval to grant a wish with all the might it have taken for the seed to get to where it needs to be.  </p>
<p>He dreams, wishes, and hopes for a friend to keep for a lifetime.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>Shy, careful and wary are not words to describe Koushi Sugawara, but he can be in a new environment. He watches as his new classmates run around the classrooms, teasing the friends they already knew. Koushi knows nobody else here, so he keeps to himself at his desk, looking at the few textbooks he has already placed on the table, his name written neatly.<p>“Is this seat taken?”</p>
<p>Koushi’s head lifts from the textbook, lips in a gentle pull as he glances at the owner of the voice. Instead of a gruff face, he’s met with earthy orbs, laced with what he could only sense as determination. He’s not sure if he’s ever seen anyone with determination as intense as the one this boy has, because it’s cascading off him in waves and Koushi can sense it even if he barely knows this boy. <i>Yet.</i> </p>
<p>He shakes his head at the seat he’s gesturing to. “Go ahead.”</p>
<p>Oddly enough, the silence between him and his seatmate isn’t awkward, but rather Koushi feels welcome. The other boy must’ve noticed the look he's giving because he happens to meet his eyes at the same time Koushi looks over. Faint pink dusts his cheeks like fairy glitter, but both of them laugh it off together. “Daichi Sawamura,” he introduces, hand out between them both. “And you?”</p>
<p>“Koushi Sugawara. You can call me Suga.” Koushi takes his hand - strong and warm. <i>How nice.</i> He shakes it gently in his own grip, offering a smile of his own.</p>
<p>“It’s nice to meet you.” </p>
<p>“The feeling’s mutual.”</p>
<p>They learn more about each other over the course of the day and the day that follows after. Koushi learns that Daichi is the eldest of five siblings, of which two of them are twins, and that he lives just about ten minutes down from Koushi’s house. In return, Koushi shares that he has one sibling, eight years younger than him. </p>
<p>“So that explains why you’ve got that intense look going on, huh?” Koushi teases him at lunch two weeks after the first day of school, nudging his shoulder. They’ve opted to shed their gakuran due to the mild heat that’s making everything slightly too stuffy for comfort. Across them sat another boy with chin-length hair that they both met at volleyball tryouts on their first day of school. A-Asahi, he had muttered through nervous breaths, earning soft giggles from both Daichi and Koushi who’ve already grown close.</p>
<p>Daichi looks up from his onigiri, stuffed with a generous helping of pickled plum, which Koushi assumes it’s his favourite. His eyebrows, thick and full, only highlights the gaze he wears. “What intense look?” </p>
<p>Asahi squints slightly. “You mean you don’t realize that you’re always like...staring?”</p>
<p>At this, Daichi nearly sputters a whole mouthful of pickled plum and sticky rice. He keeps it down, but Koushi is struggling to keep his laughter. Daichi glares at them both while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.</p>
<p>“I do not!” He protests, but it dies at the back of the throat midway and ends up sounding more like a pathetic cat-like whine rather than an actual full protest. “I was just born with this face!” </p>
<p>“Well, yeah, no shit, considering you’re the eldest brother to not one, not two, but four siblings!” Koushi’s voice is raised, but it’s barely loud enough for anyone across the room to hear clearly. “I’m surprised you can even get anything done with that many siblings.”</p>
<p>Asahi shrugs, still staring at his egg roll in his bento. “Can’t relate, I’m the younger sibling.”</p>
<p>Koushi drops his chopsticks after. “Surprising, considering you look like you’re going through a midlife crisis!”</p>
<p>Dead silence. Koushi wonders if he’s said something offensive as he stares at both Asahi and Daichi, feeling terrible all of a sudden. Did he say something too crude? Was that too mean? Yikes, maybe this is why he didn’t have friends that last long-</p>
<p>Small giggles erupt. Koushi’s eyes widen as Asahi’s the first to laugh. “You’re not wrong. My distant relatives always think that I’m the elder sibling and that I’m beyond high school.” He remarks, then breaks down into even more laughter.</p>
<p>Daichi follows after, and Suga’s heart soothes as he does too.</p>
<p>Maybe dandelions <i>do</i> work after all.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>“This might end our friendship.”<p>“Do it, idiot.”</p>
<p>“You asked for it.”</p>
<p>A card gets placed down. “Draw four, bitch.”</p>
<p>“Damn you,” Daichi hisses at Koushi, squinting as he draws four cards from the deck. Koushi beams innocently at them both, a shit-eating kind of innocence that makes Asahi snort. </p>
<p>Kiyoko, who’s amused too, drops a red four at the request of Koushi for a red.</p>
<p>They’re over at Koushi’s place for spring break, bonding as a team. He’d made sure to invite Kiyoko along too, because even if she’s not a player, she’s managing the team as a whole and she plays an important role, too, of keeping all of them in line. A different kind of player, but just as important regardless. If that is the case, then all the more they would want to make sure Kiyoko feels like they're like family, too.</p>
<p>Koushi takes a quick glance at the rest as they go in circles to drop their cards in the pile. His heart is warm, tingly at the sight of his small group of friends. <i>Friends,</i> he repeats in his head, what a foreign concept. He’s never had friends at his house for spring break, much less having fun like this, playing uno on their patio in the afternoon. It seems silly, overthinking about something that’s probably just trivial, but maybe for once, Koushi feels thankful for Daichi being the first person to reach out, and the gift of finding friends as sweet as Asahi and Kiyoko.</p>
<p>“Green three,” Koushi drops his last card and smirks, “I win this round again. You owe me a popsicle!” He reminds Asahi of their bet to see who would win three consecutive rounds first.</p>
<p>Asahi drops his hand of cards on the table with a groan. “I hate it here.”</p>
<p>Everyone fell into silent giggles as the respective hands get dropped into the pile and reshuffled by Kiyoko. The weather is just warm enough to wear a normal tee and jeans, about twenty four degrees celsius in the morning and a low fifteen in the evening. Freshman year hadn’t been easy, dealing with the loss at interhigh and the seniors leaving, but Koushi found something more meaningful than a competition that he’ll cherish forever.</p>
<p>They're all different in their own special ways. Daichi with his leader-like charisma, Asahi and Kiyoko both soft-spoken, and Koushi with his snappy wit. Yet, they're brought together by their dedication to an after school activity. Friends, ones that he’ll get to keep forever. He remembers that night when he was fourteen, blowing a dandelion into the sunset. He glances at the small garden space beyond them - with the weather now just warm enough, the wildflowers are blooming once more. </p>
<p>Koushi gets to his feet and pads over to the steps, reaching for the tallest dandelions he can easily reach for, and takes four, then goes back to the rest, passing them one each. </p>
<p>Kiyoko takes hers, and smiles faintly. “You believe in dandelions and wishes too?” She asks, nothing teasing in her voice. Just genuine curiosity. </p>
<p>“Well, yeah.” Koushi grins bashfully as he scratches his nape, “It’s kinda silly, I know. They’re just flowers...but-”</p>
<p>“I think it’s cute.” Kiyoko holds the stem between the pads of her fingers, bringing her hands to her face in a gentle praying motion. Koushi recognizes that she’s making a wish, and mirrors the action to wish for his own, too. The world around them falls silent as both Daichi and Asahi follow along, too.</p>
<p>When he opens his eyes, the rest of them are waiting on him to blow the dandelions together. On the count of three, each of them takes a full breath each and let the dandelion seeds take off into the sky, fading into the cloudless blue beyond them. He wonders for the nth time about what it’ll be like to carry such a heavy burden of a wish to a land far beyond what he reads in fantasy storybooks.</p>
<p>“What did you wish for?” Daichi nudges him after a few seconds of silence, a faint smile tugging on his lips as they curl up.</p>
<p>Koushi lets his own smile grow too, as he looks at the other three. “For our friendship to last a lifetime.”</p>
<p>The words weigh down on all of them - it’s not the first time Koushi has ever mentioned how much the three of them mean to him. While walking home one day, at the junction where the buses would take them in various directions, Koushi had softly admitted that he didn’t know many other kids in the class or their year. Most of the boys in his circle from middle school had gone elsewhere or dropped contact with him, so he was mostly alone. Koushi had wished, at fourteen, for friends to hold onto.</p>
<p>At sixteen, he gets granted one of his many wishes in the form of not <i>one</i> but <i>three</i> friends.</p>
<p>“Suga…” Asahi laughs, almost choking out a sob as he stands up. The rest laugh too, knowing how easily Asahi turns to an emotional sap. Koushi gets up again from his seat and stands up to hug Asahi tightly, a bear hug so tight but comfortable enough to let all the good feelings fall through like a crater in the earth. Koushi gestures for the rest to come, and the circle is complete after Daichi adjusts just carefully enough for Kiyoko to join, too. </p>
<p>Daichi sniffles first after a few minutes. “You’ll have us for a lifetime.”</p>
<p>“Until you get sick of us.” Kiyoko teases, patting all of them on the shoulder as she lets go of them all. “Okay, enough of this sap!” She gives them all a hard slap on the back, making them whimper. “Azumane, what did you wish for?”</p>
<p>“Eh? Uh...It’s stupid…” Asahi brushes it off, but at the intense stare both Koushi and Daichi are giving, he relents. “I wish that we’ll all get to go to Nationals one day.”</p>
<p>Daichi grins. “Then we better start training harder once the school year starts again.”</p>
<p>“I second that notion.” Koushi beams, patting Asahi on the shoulder. </p>
<p>The warm rays of spring bring not only comfort, but a new hope stirs in him. Alongside wishes of going to nationals and eternal friendship, Koushi feels good about the next few years in his life. So this is what it feels like to have friends that care, he thinks as he settles down for another round of uno, giggling and laughing at the others. He never wants this warm feeling to falter. He commits it all to memory, the sounds of teasing and laughter in his mind like a recording.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>Koushi falls in love one autumn afternoon when Daichi smiles at him the tiny nervous smile that he saves only for Koushi while they're across the net practising spike drills. He gets front row seats to the most breathtaking sight in the world, better than the seven wonders of the world. Daichi smiles like the first ray of sun casting down after a long winter, tender with warmth. It makes his heart flip, his stomach knots, and Koushi knows that he's going nowhere when Daichi smiles like that. He feels <i>alive.</i><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>“Suga?”<p>Koushi turns just slightly over his shoulder to see Daichi standing at the full-length glass door, dressed in jeans and a black shirt. “You haven’t replied to my texts since last night. Was worried about you.”</p>
<p>Koushi frowns, knowing what this is about. He doesn’t get up, but doesn’t make an effort to carry the conversation. He didn’t know if he could even do it.</p>
<p>A hand on his shoulder interrupts his train of thoughts before it can go too far. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”</p>
<p>“I know. I’m just not sure if I have the right words for it.” Koushi whispers, pulling his knees close to his chin on the steps. “Out of everyone, Asahi had been wishing to go to Nationals most. I know our team isn’t strong compared to many others, but...what happened during the game, I’ve never seen Asahi look so dejected.”</p>
<p>Daichi nods, palm on his back. Koushi swallowed hard - dealing with confusing feelings for the team captain and now this mess was already hard enough to cope with. The feelings were just the tip of the iceberg. He hasn’t eaten or slept much. It hurts all too much.</p>
<p>“I think he’s angry at me,” Koushi admits after the silence stills around them.</p>
<p>“But you didn’t-”</p>
<p>“I said some very choice words to him after he left the hall.” He admits, “Including but not limited to some swears, but most of it was me trying to convince him that without him, the team won’t be strong enough. And it’s true. Noya’s on suspension, and Tanaka is our only wing spiker left. We have Ennoshita, Narita and Kinoshita, but I’m not exactly sure if they’re ready to play again after what happened earlier this year.” He says it all in one breath.</p>
<p>Daichi doesn’t seem surprised. After days of radio silence at times, Koushi tends to let his feelings get the better of the situation, and if anyone knows it best, it’s Daichi. “I get that. You can’t blame yourself for what happened, though. Because what happened couldn’t be helped. We’ll just have to give it time to heal and see what comes next.”</p>
<p>Koushi’s nose tingles and reddens; his eyes red-rimmed at the corners with unshed tears. He’s tried to hold it back at dinner tonight, opting to keep what happened to the team to himself, but now that Daichi’s here and he can quietly let his insecurities go, he leans his head on Daichi’s shoulder and lets the first tears drip onto his arm. </p>
<p>“What happens if we can’t bring them both back?” he asks after minutes of stillness, his tears drying on his cheeks. </p>
<p>Daichi hesitates, taking a shaky breath. “Then we learn to cope with what we can get.”</p>
<p>It’s not the first time he’s heard the confidence of his captain falter, but it’s the first time he’s heard how unsure Daichi is. The quiver, a keynote too high, a muscle tenses, his breath is shallower than usual, and he can see the way Daichi’s fingers twitch like he's preparing to receive. It unsettles him, frankly, but after the rough week they’ve had, Koushi can’t blame Daichi at all for that.</p>
<p>His fingers ache with the guilt that settles too comfortably in his stomach - painfully, almost, at the memory of how his tosses had failed the team. It should’ve been him. He should’ve been the one to walk out, not Asahi. Koushi could’ve done many things better, but his incompetence to play left him limited with the options he had. It trickles, accumulates, settles. He’s okay with blaming himself.</p>
<p>Nausea washes over again like high tide on a full moon. It's foul, disgusting, bitter.</p>
<p>Cold winter air blows over on them, even though it’s supposed to be warmer by now. The first dandelions have begun to bloom once more, only as tall as his ankles. The fairy lights in his back garden frames the scenery like a painting, golden as it washes down on canvas. </p>
<p>Koushi shakily gets to his feet, walking down the steps and plucks two small dandelions gingerly from the stem. He wordlessly passes one over to Daichi, cups his hands together, and wishes with all of his heart. Daichi doesn't question it.</p>
<p>The seeds of the dandelion fade into the dark sky, white dotting the skies, shimmering like glitter, washed away by varying shades of dark blue of the night.</p>
<p>“What did you wish for?”</p>
<p>Koushi doesn’t think twice before telling Daichi his wish, head on his shoulder. “For Asahi and Noya to come back.”</p>
<p>Daichi chooses not to question it. Koushi is thankful for their wordless connection.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>A field of dandelions surrounds him as he looks out in the distance, an endless horizon of green tinted by white dots and gentle feathers of seeds flying to the sky. It doesn’t feel real - there’s some dreamy effect going on, a veil covering his eyes perhaps, but it doesn’t hinder his vision. It’s just hard to decipher if it’s <i>real.</i><p>Barefooted, with his feet on the ground, he searches for answers. What’s going on? What brought him here to this empty land of just dandelions? Was he on the brink of death, or was he just experiencing a crisis of sorts? Why was he wearing his competition jersey? The sun filters through his bangs like hard white plastic window blinds, the glare so strong that it stings and he squints just enough so he can see properly.</p>
<p>Koushi walks for miles beyond what he can comprehend, but finds nothing but dandelions, until he hears soft chimes and humming. He can barely make out the tune, but the words are ever familiar. He follows the humming, walking endlessly until his body aches. He wants to give up, his mouth has run dry, but the humming is only getting louder and perhaps he can find refuge with whoever this person is.</p>
<p>The humming gets clearer and Koushi begins to hear the words to a certain, familiar nursery rhyme. <i>Cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms, blanketing the countryside, as far as you can see, is it a mist, or clouds?</i> </p>
<p>It clicks, all of it does. It falls into place so seamlessly - every corner and every crevice of doubt is filled with the knowledge, knowing what this might be. He returns the humming with his own - <i>fragrant in the morning sun, cherry blossoms, cherry blossoms, flowers in full bloom.</i></p>
<p>The humming ends.</p>
<p><i>“Kou-chan,”</i> he hears the same voice call out, soft footsteps filling the air as the figure in question appears. He has to take a breath before he fully comprehends what’s happening. Without a second wasted, he runs as fast as his feet can take him, and he lets himself be engulfed in the arms of the person he’s been hoping to see the most since her passing.</p>
<p><i>“Obaachan,”</i> he sobs and falls pliant, ears ringing with hearty laughter.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>“I’m proud of you, Kou-chan.”<p>Koushi lifts his head to look at his grandmother, frowning. “What for?”</p>
<p>“Everything, silly boy. Look at you, all handsome in your jersey, leading a team. I can't believe how big you are now.” The corners of her eyes crinkle and her lips lift to the same smile that Koushi remembers so fondly. “You’ve grown into a fine young man. If anything, I couldn’t recognize you at first, until I saw the familiar hair sprout of yours.” </p>
<p>Koushi whines at the statement, and it makes him feel self-conscious. His grandmother only laughs at that and sighs. “It was your wish to see me once again, wasn’t it?”</p>
<p>He blinks, thinking about the wish he made just slightly after his grandmother passed. Ah, that. He remembers being seven, holding onto a dandelion in his hand, delicately blowing the seeds away into the wind beyond. He remembers what he wished for, back then; a chance to see his grandmother again, who loved him so dearly and close to his heart. Koushi fights back tears thinking about it. He doesn’t want to cry now, not when he finally has a chance to talk to someone he’s wished to see for the longest time.</p>
<p>“Why now?” He quietly asks as he fiddles with his thumb, “After eleven years?”</p>
<p>“Because I can sense that you’re struggling with something.”</p>
<p>He stops, looks up, and laughs nervously. “With what?”</p>
<p>“Did you not make a wish recently?”</p>
<p>Koushi thinks back to the recent week. With the prefectural qualifiers just around the corner, he’s made not one but three wishes with dandelions this week. It’s childish, a foolish attempt at best, honestly, but he’s never given up thinking that dandelions could carry a wish to a higher power and grant him the things he wants most. He’s already given up his starting position for Tobio, a stronger player than himself, but he wants more. He’s greedy to even want to make it far when he’s not even a starter player. So he wished that they could at least make it to nationals because it’s been a dream that he, Daichi and Asahi have had forever.</p>
<p>“Was it about nationals?” He asks pensively.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing to do with school, my sweet boy.”</p>
<p>“Then what is it about?”</p>
<p>“A certain black-haired boy?”</p>
<p><i>Ah.</i> That. He takes a shallow breath. Of course it’s about this. Koushi slouches, almost curling up in himself. Suddenly he doesn’t have many words to say about this and would rather that the dandelions didn’t carry this wish. He remembers what this is about exactly; he had been fighting off the feelings for the whole day until a slight touch from Daichi had given him a wave of nausea that was unsettling. He’s gotten good at hiding his feelings, but why was it getting harder recently to try and hide that he felt romantic notions towards his best friend? Hell, Asahi did the unthinkable and had asked Noya out recently. Why couldn’t he?</p>
<p><i>Oh,</i> was it the fact that he was afraid? Feeling insignificant, like a speck of dust compared to the vast land that Daichi was, compared to his bench warming ass? Or did he just hate how jealous he got when every Valentine's for the last three years, it’s been surrounded by groups of girls from every level going for Daichi? Yes, Daichi is handsome, he can admit it and has no problem with it. But comparing himself to the beauty that is Daichi, that’s exactly where the problem begins, isn’t it?</p>
<p>He shrinks in on himself and tries to make himself seem small. His grandmother, on the other hand, just laughs.</p>
<p>“You’ve never met your dearest <i>sofu,</i> bless him, he was the sweetest; but did you know what he used to say?” His grandmother rests a hand on his shoulder, pulling him closer. Koushi reaches his arm over and holds her close, leaning himself against her. The wind blows against his silver locks, whistling the tune of the same lullaby in his ears.</p>
<p><i>“Every person out there loves another person that they wish they could be for others.”</i> She brushes wrinkled fingers through his hair, softly and tenderly. “Your <i>sofu</i> was so different from me. He was loud, opinionated, had a lot of things on his mind that he would say without a second thought. Me? I was anything but that. I was probably out of his - what’s that word?”</p>
<p>“League?” Koushi offers, knowing exactly what his grandmother was looking for.</p>
<p>“That’s it. Out of his league. But then he chose me. Who was I to refuse? I found a part of him to love, and he chose to love me. We grew better together, and the best parts of ourselves were given to your dearest mother, and eventually, <i>you.</i> Your kindness, your love, your passion, your careful mind." </p>
<p>Koushi frowns. Sure, he had the same voice that his grandfather probably did, and he had the careful analytical mind that his grandmother had, but that was about it, really. So what was there to lay bare, open on the vast land that’s the person he loves, for Daichi to love him back the way he does?</p>
<p>“Everything.” His grandmother answers the question as if reading his mind.</p>
<p>If he’s out of Daichi’s league, would that make Daichi love him even more?</p>
<p>Koushi stares at his bare palms, torn skin from the intensive training. “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>His grandmother takes his bare palm, and kisses his hand tenderly. “It means that every bit of you is worth loving. Be it the worst or the best of you, you’re worth <i>every</i> bit of love someone has to give.”</p>
<p>He sniffles softly, feeling the prickle of hot tears and the sting at the back of his throat. “Even the worst?” He asks under his breath.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” His grandmother reassures, squeezing at his shoulder. “And I know that you might struggle to see it now, but you’ll understand, believe me.”</p>
<p>Everything quietens, down to the softest of humming. The blinding sun sets in the distance, casting orange and pink over blue. He wonders if this is really a dream, holding onto his grandmother’s hand as she continues to hum the same lullaby. He drifts, lets the tide take him to the greater sea, accepting the feelings he’s been struggling to accept for a while. Dandelions dance in the gentle breeze, tickling against his bare skin as a faint reminder of the words from his grandmother, keeps it in a locket, tucks it into his heart. </p>
<p>Day turns to night, and he drifts further away. He lets himself dream, drown in the heavy tide, accept and believe; the breeze carrying the dandelion seeds away into the midnight blue.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>They make it to nationals after beating Shiratorizawa at the qualifier games. He cries, hugs his best friends, and head to Tokyo together, proud of their found family. It's all worth the ache, hardship, and the lonely nights of wondering what could've been.<div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>Daichi finds him in the middle of the dandelion field in his backyard that has fully bloomed that following spring in April. Still in his white blouse and black dress pants he wore for graduation, his hands brush upon the tall dandelion stalks.<p>He’s made more wishes along the way since he talked to his grandmother, some coming true and some dying before he can even grasp it. They go to nationals, but they don’t win. That’s okay, at least they make it to the orange court that they’d been dreaming of, played beside the people he loved the most. Koushi does decently at his university entrance exams, gets the scholarship he has been hoping for in childhood education. </p>
<p>His heart still feels somewhat empty, though. A void that’s unable to be filled. A longing ache for something he can’t quite reach. He knows it’s not that distant as he makes it out to be, but Koushi has always kept him at a distance, and now it feels like Daichi’s too far.</p>
<p>“Suga? Why are you out here? Graduation was hours ago, you should’ve showered.” Daichi’s voice rings through the still air around them. Ever concerned Daichi, who looked out for everyone before himself, always the selfless leader that gave advice more than he probably took for himself. </p>
<p>Koushi’s eyes drift from the dandelions to Daichi - strong, muscular figure with a gentle smile and warm, mahogany orbs. Ah, he remembers why he fell in love. They say three months decides if it’s an infatuation or true feelings. It’s been more than a year since he realized it, so he has no hope of ever getting over his hopeless crush on his best friend. </p>
<p>“Do you ever feel like you’re not enough?” he asks after a silent beat.</p>
<p>He can see Daichi’s muscle flex and relax under his sweatshirt, and the way his lips form a soft pout. The wind blows against Koushi’s cheek like a cold blade fresh from ice water.</p>
<p>“Sometimes, yeah.” He strides down the steps and sits beside him on the mat that Koushi laid out earlier. “What brought this bout of self-doubt this time?”</p>
<p>“I don’t exactly know. Probably graduation, the thought of moving away from Miyagi to the city, or leaving so many things behind. You’d think that after all this time, preparing to grow up and move on…” Koushi sighs, deciding not to complete that sentence or they’d be in some dangerous waters.</p>
<p>Daichi nudges him carefully, just hard enough to feel it against his ribs. “Hey, don’t get nervous now. What happened to confident Sugawara huh?” He lightly teases, and it makes the corner of his lips hang with a smile. “You’ve got this, Suga. Look at where you’re going, getting a scholarship and all that. Your future is bright.”</p>
<p>Well, yeah. About that. Koushi’s mood sours slightly at the thought of the future, but he tries not to show it. It’s scary because since he decided this life path, he’s been having dreams about his future, in which all of those dreams include Daichi. He shifts uncomfortably at the thought, tucking his legs to his right and supporting his weight with his left arm instead. He’s still trying not to show that he’s overthinking.</p>
<p>“Yeah but...I don’t want things to change.” He admits, eyes on the mat instead of looking at Daichi. He can feel his tears prick again, and doesn’t exactly want a whole long questioning session right now about why he looks like he’s about to cry. “I’m so used to being a small-town boy like we are now.”</p>
<p>“But you can’t be a small-town boy with those big dreams of yours.”</p>
<p>And it’s true. He’s talked to his homeroom teacher as well as Takeda, whom he’s come to see as a mentor more than any other teacher he’s had. He thinks about how they convinced him to pursue and achieve more. He could go places. Spread his wings and fly for once. Don’t look back.</p>
<p>The Inarizaki banner still lives in his mind: <i>we don’t need memories.</i> </p>
<p><i>But I do,</i> Koushi fights back. Memories make one stronger, doesn’t it?</p>
<p>“Do you wanna make a wish? Like always?” Koushi asks through the silence between them. When Daichi hums, he reaches out to take two dandelions from the stems and passes one to Daichi, who holds it so delicately like he’ll break it and shatter it to pieces of fragile china. As if Daichi could ever shatter anything, his hands so strong but yet so careful, holding things like he's holding the entire world in bare, warm palms.</p>
<p>As if that mattered. Koushi would let Daichi break him any day, take him apart until there was nothing but raw flesh and nothing but devotion left of him.</p>
<p>He wishes, blows, and watches the dandelions fade into the cloudless blue beyond.</p>
<p>“What did you wish for?” Daichi asks, taking him out of his daze. Always a routine question, but Koushi doesn’t know how to explain his desire without sounding desperate.</p>
<p><i>“You.”</i> He whispers before he can even hold himself back from saying the fated word, but it burns slightly like too concentrated orange juice down his throat. It burns, feels weird, hurts. He tries not to think about the consequences as if he hadn’t thought of all seven ways to sunday that their friendship could just end right here.</p>
<p>Daichi is just as taken aback, breathless. He points to himself slowly. “Me? But...why?”</p>
<p>Where does he begin explaining? <i>“Because.”</i> He says simply in one word after struggling to think of something, the words stuck in his throat. “I just do. I’ve wished for you so many times.” Koushi feels his breath catch amongst the congestion of unspoken words, “I’ve wanted to tell you all this time, but I was just afraid to. Everyone's always talking about you, how they want to ask you out. I didn't want to yearn for something I can't have, in case you didn’t see me that way...I didn’t want to put our friendship on the line. All that stuff.”</p>
<p>“Suga-” Daichi starts, sounding more like a protest than the plea that stirs the heat in his stomach, settling there like it's the bottom of the deep end of an olympic pool. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel the same way, I don’t blame you,” Koushi smiles weakly, tilting his head as he offers the warmest of smiles to what feels like an unwelcome cold splash of water. “I’ll learn to get over it-”</p>
<p>“But I don’t want to,” Daichi interrupts, gripping Koushi tightly by the shoulders and turning his body until they’re facing each other. “I want us to be more than just friends. More than just this...I-” He lunges forward to press his lips to Koushi’s without a second warning.</p>
<p>This isn’t the way he imagined his first kiss, but it soothes, takes the ache away, and even if it feels like another bucket of cold water over his head, it feels more welcome than when he confessed. It’s a sloppy kiss filled with mistakes like their hand placements and their insecurities, but everything melts into one and Koushi can’t fault the slightly chapped texture of Daichi’s lips because the weather has gotten drier again. His eyes flutter shut, the tears at the corner of his eyes. It’s careless, there’s no fireworks or fanfare like the way it happens in the romance movies his mother watches. No bells, no falling leaves, no rain, no thunder. </p>
<p>But he thinks about where they’re sitting, in the middle of his backyard of dandelions that barely reaches the beauty mark just a few inches above his ankle. It’s better than a movie. The words of his grandmother ring in his mind when they part for air: <i>Be it the worst or the best of you, you’re worth every bit of love someone has to give.</i></p>
<p><i>I understand it now,</i> Koushi’s lips curl into a smile as Daichi’s finger traces his jaw, the invisible string on the board finally secure. </p>
<p>When Daichi says he needs to leave later, in the middle of cuddling, Koushi takes one look, swallows the frayed nerves, and whispers, <i>"Stay."</i></p>
<p>And Daichi stays.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>☘</p>
</div>“How many dandelions did you wish on?”<p>Koushi’s smile doesn’t leave his face. “Maybe ten.”</p>
<p>“You’re kidding.” Daichi pokes his side. Koushi shakes his head in reply. </p>
<p>“I have made a lot of wishes since I was seven.” He props his head up on his fist as they lay on the mat together, watching the stars go by. It’s almost like a romance movie come true. Laying in the dandelions as they watch the night sky go by, his free hand taken by the one person he’s dreamt of forever. “Some were silly like toys and clothes. But slowly...when we turned seventeen, I found myself wanting you more than anything else.”</p>
<p>The stars and flames in Daichi’s eyes glitter, brighter than the ones in the night sky above them. Daichi decided to spend the night over with Koushi, to relish in their newly found love, to take it all in. They make out, hold hands, tease, rinse and repeat. The stares are no longer just yearning, it’s full-blown love, recognizing each others’ raw emotions. Daichi’s nails scratch lightly against his fingertip where there’s an old, dried blister from practising setter drills, replaced with a slightly wet kiss later. </p>
<p>Time stills and everything quietens down to a whisper. The wind sings and so does his heart, a sweet tune that only they understand. Fingertips drum on his arm, signalling that Daichi is there. Not just now, but forever. He's not going anywhere, at least not without Koushi. </p>
<p>Then again, <i>forever is relative.</i> What feels like a couple of years from now could mean so many different things for themselves, but with Daichi, maybe he can afford to dream of a forever where they grow together, beyond college, beyond their twenties. They have a lot of things to think about, like the long-distance while Koushi goes away to Tokyo while Daichi stays in Miyagi. They'll miss each other; a lot of their time will be spent over fuzzily connected calls. </p>
<p>
  <i>
    <b>And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime, and I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine.</b>
  </i>
</p>
<p><i>A love that lasts forever.</i> Strong, secure. From the vast lands blooms the beginnings of something brighter. Once an empty place, it fills with wishes fulfilled and those yet to be wished. Koushi can see it, now. Dandelions dance in the shades of blue and green, like ballerinas under the stage lights with white skirts that catch every flicker of yellow stage light. He’s sitting in the middle of it all, making wishes and creating more, the dandelions never-ending. There are infinite wishes for the future and some won’t ever be fulfilled. Infinite wishes bloom in the form of colourful flowers, creating a land of nothing but just flowers.</p>
<p>The wishes that do come true, it’s worth <i>every</i> second of the wait. He’s not sure if he’s drifted to sleep and he’s dreaming, but he watches as Daichi plants gentle kisses to his temple, rubbing small swirls at them, and mumbles a promise of the unknown infinite.</p>
<p>Koushi gives everything he can, and he takes everything that Daichi has to give. Because if Daichi doesn’t love him, then who will love him for his flaws? Who’s going to love the barren, torn down version of himself that he lays bare on tough concrete for Daichi to see? Who’s going to understand every single touch, glance, gesture and the way his face contorts?</p>
<p>Who’s going to understand <i>him?</i></p>
<p>The answer has always been there.</p>
<p>So he promises and wishes, without a dandelion, for the promise of the unknown <i>forever.</i></p>
<p>fin.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this fic is dedicated to everyone this Christmas, thank you for making my first few months on anitwitter some of the best memories! let's hope for a better year ahead!</p>
<p>thank you everyone for 2020 &lt;3 </p>
<p>come find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/SUGAWARAVITY">twitter!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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